In another month or so the gift-giving season will be upon us, so it’s not too early to put in a gentle reminder about the importance of thank-you notes.

Saying thank you is a fundamental behavior that smoothes the way, makes others feel good, allows us to express gratitude, and shows our appreciation. It’s universal. Parents the world over teach their children early to “say thank you.” The written thank-you note is the next step.

Why thank-you notes seem to be such a hardship is inexplicable. Not to say thank you to someone who’s just given us a present, done us a favor, performed a kindness, or offered hospitality is downright rude. And, in the words of a memorable teacher from my youth, “No matter who you are or where you are, when you’re rude, you’re wrong.”

Some thoughts.

1. Start early. Get your kids in the habit of writing short thank-you notes even before they can read or write. Have them “dictate” the note to you. There’s nothing wrong with a note that says, “I love my new bike. It’s just what I wanted. Thank you.” Let him draw a picture on the note, too. Grandparents, especially, love this.
   
   
2. Be a role model. Let your kids see you writing short thank-yous when you get a gift or when you want to express gratitude for something – a gift, a business connection, a contribution to your charity, or hospitality. “See?” you can say. “Adults write thank-you notes, too.”
   
   
3. Don’t put it off. Write thank yous as soon as possible. The longer children (and some adults) put off a task, the heavier it looms over their heads. Same for school assignments.
   
   
4. Nothing to be afraid of. Show kids that writing a thank-you note is easy, and it gets even easier with practice. She doesn’t have to write a lengthy novel, just heartfelt thanks.
   
   
5. Insist. Sometimes we adults just have to be enforcers. Just as we have expectations for good behavior, for doing well in school, for healthy habits and attitudes, and for living our family’s values, so we adults insist on behaviors that will benefit our kids for their entire lives. Saying thank you is one of those behaviors. We’re just doing our jobs, kids.
   
   
6. Make it easy. Make the occasion special. Let your child pick out some engaging postcards, or note cards that reflect his interests. Small is good. Give a special pen to use for thank-you notes.
   
   
7. Keep it simple. Mention the gift, why you like it, and a little personal thought. That’s it. Something like this. “Dear Uncle Rick, Thank you for the cool games you sent. I’ll enjoy playing them with Evan and Amy. You know I like board games, and I’m working to get really good at these. When you come to visit, you and I can play! Love, Bryan.”
   
   
8. Bring joy to someone. Except for extremely wealthy people who give millions anonymously to charities, everyone else likes to be acknowledged for generosity. What’s wrong with making a gift-giver feel good? An important lesson for kids is to try never to let a day go by without being a blessing to someone.
   
   
9. It’s the right thing to do. Enough said.
   
   
10. It can work in your favor. It’s neither cynical nor greedy to acknowledge that it’s easier to give gifts to people who are grateful. It’s a side benefit that thank-you notes often invite better and more frequent gifts!

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