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How to Get a Man to Listen
While doing preparation for my radio show, I read all kinds of interesting articles from all kinds of sources. One of them was an article in “Women’s Health” on how a woman can get her man to actually listen when she talks.
Let me, as a man, respond to this advice and give you my perspective if it’s good advice... or hooey!
1. Avoid Eye Contact: Looking a man directly in the eye may make him feel threatened.
Non-sense. If anyone avoids eye contact with me while we’re talking, I KNOW they are trying to deceive me about something.
2. Get to the point: If you want your guy to listen, you’ve got to cut to the chase.
Great Advice! While we may pretend to want to hear all the details, the honest truth is we are big picture creatures. Hit the high points and wait to see if we ask for more details.
3. Stroke his ego: Try buttering him up with a few kind words. Yes! But don’t be obvious. Find something you truly admire about your guy and let him know. If you can’t find anything to praise, well… your problem is bigger than getting him to listen.
4. Let him know you need to vent: You just want to talk, he wants to solve the problem.
This one’s up to you. Some guys will recoil at the mention that you want to vent, others will welcome the opportunity to just listen and not have to problem solve. You should know which is your guy and determine if you need to use strategy #3 to get him ready to just listen.
5. Talk to him between 4:00pm and 6:00pm.: Studies show that’s when men’s testosterone levels drop to their lowest of the day and we listen best.
Sure. I don’t know if this is really true, but it sounds reasonable. However, when I’m hungry, I’m not real attentive to anything but what I want to eat. A little quiet time to talk to each other after dinner is wonderful!
More importantly, the point is that communication is crucial! Men and women approach talking to each other in different ways. Next time I’ll write about the difference in what a man says and what he does!
Let me, as a man, respond to this advice and give you my perspective if it’s good advice... or hooey!
1. Avoid Eye Contact: Looking a man directly in the eye may make him feel threatened.
Non-sense. If anyone avoids eye contact with me while we’re talking, I KNOW they are trying to deceive me about something.
2. Get to the point: If you want your guy to listen, you’ve got to cut to the chase.
Great Advice! While we may pretend to want to hear all the details, the honest truth is we are big picture creatures. Hit the high points and wait to see if we ask for more details.
3. Stroke his ego: Try buttering him up with a few kind words. Yes! But don’t be obvious. Find something you truly admire about your guy and let him know. If you can’t find anything to praise, well… your problem is bigger than getting him to listen.
4. Let him know you need to vent: You just want to talk, he wants to solve the problem.
This one’s up to you. Some guys will recoil at the mention that you want to vent, others will welcome the opportunity to just listen and not have to problem solve. You should know which is your guy and determine if you need to use strategy #3 to get him ready to just listen.
5. Talk to him between 4:00pm and 6:00pm.: Studies show that’s when men’s testosterone levels drop to their lowest of the day and we listen best.
Sure. I don’t know if this is really true, but it sounds reasonable. However, when I’m hungry, I’m not real attentive to anything but what I want to eat. A little quiet time to talk to each other after dinner is wonderful!
More importantly, the point is that communication is crucial! Men and women approach talking to each other in different ways. Next time I’ll write about the difference in what a man says and what he does!
Comment
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Comment by Marlies White (SomaLife) on October 18, 2009 at 5:17pm -
Hi Seth...Interesting blog and I like your responses.
For me the most important one is to get to the point and oh yes, remember to tell him you don't want a problem solved but just to have him listen.
The problem solving thing is a real issue with some men.
The way I stroke my husband's ego is to ask him to do something for me relating to my car... he is a real car nut and feels like such a hero, for example, when he put new wiper blades on for me. I tell him he's a star for saving me the money not having to have someone else do it... and he bought the blades so he really DID save ME money! You gotta love it!
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