Mother-In-Law Interference

My Mother-In Law is butting into my marriage again and again. It is starting to affect my marriage. What should I do?

Dear Daughter-In-Law,

You ask what you should do, but your question is a bit vague. I hope that my advice can help as without specifics I cannot really address the core issue. But here are some practical tips that should help.

1) Make sure your Mother-In-Law feels welcomed in your home.

2) Make an effort to spend time with her so that you can build a relationship beyond her son.

3) Do all you can to acknowledge her for raising a wonderful son.

4) Make sure your children respect her.

5) Express your feeling to your husband and refrain from blaming her. For example state that how you feel and own your feelings. Acknowledge that you may be a bit sensitive or you may have taken a comment the wrong way.

6) If you have ever said or done anything to offend apologize, and mean it.

Remember we are in control of our reactions; no one makes us feel anything. We allow the negative feelings by taking things to seriously. Some times things are said that are not meant to hurt and sometimes they are, but you decide weather or not you will allow it hurt you.

And more than anything remember that you will most likely be a Mother-In-Law someday, so treat your Mother-In-law how you want to be treated when it is your turn.

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on December 8, 2010 at 8:43am

That is a real profound answer Denise Especially the part of,"Control of Reactions"...
Body language also plays a part in Reactions. Mothers are still mothers and we sometimes think we are right.
Well we were right for our time but now it's the new mothers time. Experience can only serve the ones that acquired it unless you have the knowledge to share it properly. So right on about reactions..mostly defensive reactions. Allowing some time between reacting has been my motto and I had the best," MIL"..Even when I left her son..She said if I didn't love you so much I would hate you. I love that you told me the truth and I appreciate who you are and what you are doing.
So we are still women and when we become Mothers we can take a stand against MIL's or watch for how we can appreciate each others experience..Blessings from a mother-in-law- of two sweet mothers.

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on December 12, 2010 at 11:54am

I had a few Mother-in Laws and If I had my druthers it's actually more fun to be the Mother-in-law- than the Mother ..

As the Wife of the First..I heard my new mother-in-law Maria,shouting down the stairs..,"AND SHE IS NOT EVEN PRETTY" (her son was actually the ugliest man I have ever married)

Marrying her son just to get out of Florida was not the best idea of my life.Althought I loved the fact he was from a weathy family from New York and owned the big Black Lincoln with the whip antenna that was not a swift move for me.

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on December 12, 2010 at 12:09pm

1: Does the Welcome Mat spell her name Correctly? If not get that changed immediately

2:Do You spend time with her at her local bar where everyone knows her name?

3:Do you remind her on a daily maybe hourly moment what a perfect son she has raised?

4: Do you tell the children to always address her as g-ma instead of the Bitch?

5:Do you Always start the conversation with your husband,"Your Mom is Right" however.?

6: Know that to apologize to the other woman in his life is one of the Burdens you must carry.Try to apologize without laughing or smirking.

First Ask your self...are you worthy?

Are You Pretty enough for her son.

Can he and will he do Better?

Is her Butting in Helping with the Children?

I think counciling is in order or maybe a Margarita at Tanners when she is babysitting with the Children.Let her know how much you care by offering the children and the son on Tuesdays so we can meet at the M&M .

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on January 17, 2011 at 3:30pm

Can't we get some updates on this?????

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Permalink Reply by Veronica Fiorina on May 12, 2011 at 3:39pm

that's fine when you have a 'normal butting-in' mother-in -law...I tried and tried for years to implement all those things....finally out of desperation I just stayed away. No phone calls, no visits...I actually let my hubby handle it all. Our problem was that she would twist everything that was said, by either him or me! It led to hard feelings between US, not her! She was happy to drive us apart. She would tell me stories and I would invariably ask him and we would get into an argument. She would do the same to him. He was gone from home front for long periods of time due to his job, so it ended up that when we DID get together, all we did was argue! We were fortunate in the fact that we had no little ones at home. This 14th of Mar has been 3 years...we are just now starting to reconnect per phone calls, but I am always cautious not to tell her too much, for fear the whole thing will start again. Sad as this situation sounds, it has worked. I wasn't rude about it either...I just made myself unavailable for phone calls and was "always busy' when she wanted to visit. One nice thing was that my husband went along with this...he could see that by removing her from our personal life, everyone was much happier! I know that for myself, it has helped me to not hate the woman who brought my husband into this world. Sounds weird but it worked for us!!! It seems as tho we actually respect each other nowa days!!!!