Early Holiday Stress

Question: Do you have any suggestions on how to reduce anxiety over holiday family stress? I know the holidays are a few months away but I really want to change my mental mode about "family stress" and actually enjoy the holidays.

Answer: Dear Already Stressed,

The holidays should be a joyous time, but that is often the farthest thing from the truth. I am assuming that you are married and that your stress stems from both side of the family. When we marry someone we marry their entire family, and that means we also should respect their traditions. BUT that also means that you and your spouse will create new family traditions. You and your spouse will need to decide on the when, where, and how often your family incorporate your new family traditions into his and your family of origin traditions. In a perfect, world everyone would be willing to give a little and be flexible and every married couple would be able to talk rationally about their families.
We all know that this is often an illusion. I suggest that you decide on what you are and are not willing to compromise on, and make a list. Always put your family first and never do anything out of guilt.

You will change your mental mode by being open and honest with yourself, your spouse and all the family involved. When you are clear and direct with how you wish to spend the holidays, there is no room for interpretation. Be ready to give a little and lead by example. Let go of the Norma Rockwell image and accept that we are all fallible human beings who can at times be selfish, even if it is the holidays.

- Denise

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on September 27, 2010 at 5:28pm

I have some of the answers...Breath before speaking and saying yes to everything,wait three days before deciding what they meant by that!!
Always take a bottle of Wine.Always have a gift bag in the car/truck for those forgotten b-days...blank name tags and Whalla...You are ready for everything. Oh if you are single and need a date for the occasion to stop the gossip.
You can snag one online most times.
Oh the wine is for show. Do not open.Wear a hat.Have fun and remember,"This too shall pass"...

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Permalink Reply by Talk of the Town Nails/Kimberley on September 30, 2010 at 2:25pm

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on October 3, 2010 at 11:00am

I just finished reading a daily devotion and was thinking how most of us have isolated ourselves without trying.
This being to busy to meet has been such a turnoff that hurt feelings appear without reason.
No You are not too busy. Yes you will be nice to your sister. Yes you will sit where I tell you. Yes you must love your brother...
What we need are more strong "MOTHERS & DAD'S..setting the rules...Get Ready for the intention of sharing Love and maybe gifts with care and thoughtfulness.
My Blessings to you all here on Woman to Woman Magazine...

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Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Schmitt on October 7, 2010 at 3:41pm

I feel alot like Denise. After you reach a certain age, you figure out what is more important. When you are young and your kids are young, you tend to focus more on pleasing them and all the "hype" out there about the holidays. I am 48 years old and raising 2 of my 5 grandchildren. When we came upon our first holiday season together I made sure my grandaughter was taught to make something homeade and understands the importance of always teaching the next generation to make something homeade so that traditions carry on. I also started a new tradition of explaining to my grandchildren that Jesus received three gifts when he was born, so they will only receive three gifts. That way they can have a better understanding of the birth of Jesus Christ and not get caught up so much in the "hype" of the season and appreciating what is really more important, the people in you life and time you spend together.
Happy Holidays to all!
Jacqueline

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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on October 20, 2010 at 9:06am

What a wonderful Idea Jacqueline.Must be a pleasure and a trial raising your grandkids..At my age I don't even want to raise a dog or cat. But I like working with the local churches and community as the Artist.
My studio is on Havendale and I put on various workshops mostly for grown ups but I also do a great deal for the Abiding Saviour Lutheran church a five minute walk down Havendale. I'm sponsoring a "Trunk-O-Treats Saturday Oct 30 and the Pastor will be grilling hotdogs in the grassy parking lot/Bring the kids I'll have my camera and take photos(Free of course) of them and their costumes..Teaching and traditions have to be from the mom's..and grandmoms and You are a super g-mom..Have fun