Topic: Career

Denise, 

  I have a full time career. I have worked hard to achieve my success, and  I work mostly with women. I find that a few of them like to act beyond their title. For example a there is secretary who feels she can tell a higher up what to do, or has even yelled at people on the phone and in person. I hate confrontation, but I see one coming. What do you suggest as the best way to deal with this person and yet remain professional.

Signed,

Wow I thought we were grown ups here

Dear WOW,

   Unfortunately this is not an uncommon problem.  Too many people, woman and men, use the work place to have personal needs met. People often feel powerless in their personal lives so they overstep their authority or abuse their authority to fill the need of having power/control.  If you have a good relationship with your supervisor, I suggest that you ask their advice as to how to best speak to the person you are concerned about. Another option would be to go to the person yourself and state clearly that you need to talk to them and that you want to let them know how you feel.  Use an  I statement: I feel ___________, when you yell at me.  Let them know that if you have ever said or done something that hurt them  that you are sorry, but the behavior you are here to discuss cannot ever happen again.
  Sometimes we need to do things that are very uncomfortable. But we must do then to get past the uncomfortable feeling of the confrontation so that we can grow emotionally and set an example for our children and our co-workers.  This is also part of how we teach people how to treat us, with Respect and Dignity.