Join. Share. Get Connected!
Bad Marriage
Q: My sister is in a bad marriage. She says she wants a divorce and that the marriage is over. She has left her husband but has not taken steps to initiate the divorce. She has done this more than once; how can I help her get over this hurdle?
A: The best thing you can do for your sister is support her in whatever she decides to do. It has to be her choice and she has to take control of her life and make the decision to move forward. This is one of the hardest things to do when you love someone whom you can see is in a bad situation. You said she has done this more than once, has she ever seen a therapist to get some professional help? If not that may be the best advice you can give her. Tell her you love her and will support her, but that perhaps she needs an impartial person to help her sort out her feelings.
But if she is in an abuse situation you may need to be more firm and tell her that you love her too much to stand by and watch, and that out of love for you, she needs to make a decision that is rational and safe. No one deserves to be abused and you will not stand by and watch her deteriorate.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist,Kickboxer on -
I think I would just ask her if she wants to leave now or wait 10 years and do it. A half opened door needs "CLOSURE"
-
Permalink Reply by Denise J Norgan MA LMHC on -
Pati, this is a good point. The question came from a sister, and too many times family members are put in awkward situations when it comes to issues with spouses. The sister relationship needs to be preserved. No matter what the wife decides she will always need her sister. Her hopefully she will close the door herself and her sister will be there to support the transition from a bad marriage to a new happy life.
-
Permalink Reply by Louise Willard on -
So much of how we allow others to treat us is based on how we value ourselves. It is sometimes a long road to understanding our right to be treated with love and respect. The best thing you can do for someone in this position is redirect their focus to their own understanding of who they are...not based on what a disrespectful spouse thinks or says...but who they are and hope to become. I have been through it and have finally come to a place of being able to disengage from the negative influences and see myself in the light of who I truly am. A good, Christian based book to read is "Foolproofing Your Life" by Jan Silvious. It will help you understand how to deal with difficult relationships and why you react the way you do. Amazing benefit to my life situation...past and present. Another good one is "Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage" by Mike and Chuck Misja. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and it is not because my marrige has changed so much...it is because I have. It has taken a lot of prayer and really educating myself by reading books on the subject, but, believe me, it was so worth it. Sometimes divorce is necessary. I went through one. Unfortunately, it happens, but the most important part is becoming a healthy, thriving person in spite of it. We matter as individuals and can live a good life, if we can learn to value who we are, with or without a mate. Life is good if you do that. Be the best you can be and make yourself happy! You are worth the work it takes to get there!!
Woman to Woman Magazine is a social network
Read Our Archived Issues
© 2012 Created by Woman to Woman Magazine.
