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Aging and Depression
Question: My mother is aging and seems to be getting more and more negative about just about everything and everyone. I would like to know how to handle this so the negativity doesn't rub off on me. I know she battles with depression but we all do. What can I do?
Answer:
Answer:
Dear Concerned,
Getting older and realizing that your best years maybe be behind you is very sobering. Your mother is most likely having a hard time coming to terms with this phase of life. No one wants to get old, no one wants to be negative, but it happens. When she makes negative comments, refrain from repeating them. Instead state a reassuring comment. For example if she says, " I am so old and worthless", you should say, " Well in my eyes you are a treasure, a wealth of knowledge." Or if she complains about things like the weather, or the traffic, just smile and say. " I know, but hey what can you do?" Take time to share with her the good things that happen during the day. Tell her a joke or go to see a comedy together. If her negative words still linger in your mind, try saying this to yourself: I refuse to allow myself to be negative, because I want to spend the time I have with my mother being joyful. Once your mother is gone you only have memories to remind you of her love.
Getting older and realizing that your best years maybe be behind you is very sobering. Your mother is most likely having a hard time coming to terms with this phase of life. No one wants to get old, no one wants to be negative, but it happens. When she makes negative comments, refrain from repeating them. Instead state a reassuring comment. For example if she says, " I am so old and worthless", you should say, " Well in my eyes you are a treasure, a wealth of knowledge." Or if she complains about things like the weather, or the traffic, just smile and say. " I know, but hey what can you do?" Take time to share with her the good things that happen during the day. Tell her a joke or go to see a comedy together. If her negative words still linger in your mind, try saying this to yourself: I refuse to allow myself to be negative, because I want to spend the time I have with my mother being joyful. Once your mother is gone you only have memories to remind you of her love.
- Denise
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist on -
OLD & Worthless???? I can't imagine anyone saying that phrase but ...I have 2 sisters one that has dementia/Alzheimer and the other just locked in a box of her own whinings. I'm probably older than her and my best years are not behind me. It's a decision each of us makes and she chooses that lifestyle of sadness and bad weather...
I make myself go see them..just because..I have the most fun and Annete just looks at me. Sometimes she smiles but not too often. She is very nice to the dog..so maybe your mom could use a dog.Noonie has a dog and picking up poop was the answer for her.Dogs get better treatment than most of us humans and they don't even care what you say.
Depression is ramp-id and can be contagious. So put on your suit of Armour and go see her and when you leave, leave with the attitude of gratitude...Age will soon be creeping up on you as well.
One of your Sisters....
Pati (not a counselor ) Just an old person still on this planet for what purpose Not sure yet..But I know there has got to be a pony under all this manure.
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Permalink Reply by Karen Buckalew on -
It may also help to focus more on the things that she likes to do. If she says that she doesn't like anything, suggest activities, the senior center for socialization, etc. Maybe there is something that she has always wanted to do but feels like it is too late. Taking the focus off of herself and focusing on others and activities will certainly assist in lifting her spirits!
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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist on
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Karen..That's the ticket..Focusing on others....Activities...The Winter Haven Senior Service center is full of "WHAT" old people and I go and call it, Tigers Stretching..Loud music and the next thing comes the sweet smiles...We also put in the Gardens, made Butter and fruit salads..didn't take much and the Seniors are raring to go..
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Permalink Reply by Denise J Norgan MA LMHC on -
Pati,
Great suggestions. Remember the writer wanted to know how to keep the negativity from "rubbing off". Activities are great, yet they cannot replace the positive interaction that I think the author is seeking. Keep reading and posting your comments,I enjoy your point of view. D
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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist on
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Denise,I have to say I couldn't sleep last night(well for a minute or 2) thinking I shouldn't be flip about these serious matters and first I apologize then I'm off and running again.Others people's attitudes,actions and feelings are put out there for you to catch or ward off. A loved one can push your buttons ,Isn't it funny that even a look can ruin your day.Your choice to move the buttons. Thats one of the reasons I said put on the Armour and go see your mom you won't ever regret spending time with a family member. If nothing else it can make a good story for your memoirs. This too shall Pass. Thanks Denise You are a wonderful compassionate ear...
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Permalink Reply by Denise J Norgan MA LMHC on
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Pati,
You are very kind. Keep commenting, it is a joyous exchange.
Denise
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Permalink Reply by Pati-Gardenist-Artist on
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Denise, You stay in touch.Always nice to have a sincere educated response to the very lively questions you receive...I remain Joyful..
Pati
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